If you looked up this topic, which brought you to this page, and brought you directly to me, I am obliged to give you the best coping advice for pet loss. And I guarantee that you won’t find better advice elsewhere. This is the most expert advice that you will ever get anywhere, and that is…

Nothing.
That’s right. I don’t have any.
No advice.
Nada.
Zilch.

What To Do When Your Pet Dies

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do, think, or feel anything. Actually, that is exactly what you should do. On your own terms and for yourself. I’m just saying that I have no advice to give you for coping with the loss of your pet. In all honesty, I don’t think it should even be a question. Google should block it. “Coping advice for pet loss” should be nonexistent as an internet search. And from personal experience, I can tell you with the upmost confidence that anyone who gives you advice on this individual topic is 100% wrong. So, don’t listen.

Why, you ask? Because you have the answer for what to do when your pet dies. The answer is within you. When you listen to other people, you do what they would do or what would make them feel better as the onlooker. They are more uncomfortable with your pain than you are because they want it to go away. Seeing your pain is difficult for them, and at times, agonizingly long. It can stretch out for months and years. So, what could be a better solution than to simply give you advice? It gives them a pat on the back and sends you off “doing” something, giving them a break from your discomfort.

So, let me tell you, and this is sound advice… the pet loss advice that they are giving you is for them, not you. You will regret doing anything that doesn’t come from within you, and you will end up blaming the person for telling you or even subtly suggesting to you what to do when your pet dies. And even if you don’t realize it at the time, deep down, beneath all of your anguish and grieving, you will be harboring little tidbits of regret for listening to their selfish advice. Of course, you could say that they “meant well,” but who did they mean well for?

Listen to Your Intuition

In my younger years, I had a friend who handled rejection and cancellations like a monk. While I would get annoyed by the change of plans, I remember he would shrug it off and say, “I don’t like telling people what to do.” I remember having several eye-roll moments to his response. Yet, his words always stuck with me. And they stuck with me because he was right – I just didn’t understand what he was saying at the time. Experience brings wisdom. Who has the right to tell anyone what to do or feel? Same as, who has the right to give coping advice for pet loss? Nobody. Nobody knows what is going on inside of another person’s mind, body, or soul. People can fake emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being very easily. So, someone telling you what to do or giving you coping advice for the loss of your pet could actually make things worse for you – someone they “meant well” for.

Do not seek advice when you lose a pet. Rather, do what you feel. Listen to your intuition. As much as people like to claim that they know how you feel, they don’t. Nobody will have an identical experience as you nor will they think and feel the same way as you do after losing a pet. Only you know what you feel. Only you have access to your intuition. Put pretend cotton balls in your ears – stuff them until your deafness is spilling out onto the floor. Don’t listen. To anyone. Not to your mother, not to your best friend, and certainly not to anyone on the internet. Social media is your enemy.

Pet Sympathy

Here’s an experiment. Make a post that your pet died on Facebook. Tell everyone of your pet loss. The responses will be: “I’m sorry, it’s so hard, that’s so sad…” at first! And that is where it should end. But, people can’t help themselves. People love telling other people what to do. It is a taught behavior that has become second nature to human beings. Other living creatures don’t control one another like humans do.

The first thing that people will suggest after their “I’m sorrys” is for you to get another pet. They will tell you that your deceased pet would want you to be happy. That the only way to fix the hole is to plug it with another furbaby.

When this scenario happened to me, I was shocked. My disbelief turned angry. I poured my heart out to people, expressing how my pet was my child, and they told me to get another child. Just like that. Would this happen if a human child passed away? Would people tell you to just go adopt another baby and everything will be better? Absolutely not. And to add salt to the wound, when I posted a picture on Facebook of my deceased pet, some people found it to be in good taste to send me photos of their alive pets. If my human baby passed away, would anyone send me a photo of their alive baby and say, “We are thinking of you”? No. Never.

Can a Pet Be a Soulmate?

I understand that not everyone sees pets in the same light, and that is exactly my point. People who have human children may not see their pets as sons and daughters, and that’s OK. People who are married to their soul mate might not see their pet in the same realm, and that’s OK. Nobody is able to feel your bond, your soul-connection – however weak or strong with your pet. Only you can. Everyone’s perception and experience will be different. It’s personal. So, how is anyone more capable or informed to give you coping advice for pet loss? You are your best advisor.

Getting Another Pet After One Dies

When I was given the advice to get another dog, my response was that I just want my dog back. Similarly, when people said that I should save an older dog from a shelter, my response was that I just want my dog back. Likewise, when people told me to get a puppy to bring some life into my house, my response was that I just want my dog back. My sadness was so thick and overpowering that it clouded my thinking. I was an easy target for brainwashing, as I was not capable of being my own leader. Hence, I just followed the directions that I was given. In the end, I went against my feelings and my intuition. Now, I live with tidbits of regret for listening to the coping advice given to me when I lost my pet.

How Long Does Grief Last After Losing a Pet?

I had several people tell me that I had grieved long enough. That my grieving period had expired. That I needed to get over my pet’s death. These advisors ranged from mere acquaintances to close loved ones.

First off, I didn’t realize that there was an acceptable time frame for grieving. Is this something that everyone must abide by – who made up these rules? Is there a period of time that is not too long, but just long enough? And must everyone cope in the same way, too? What is the acceptable route – a therapist, antidepressants, church, volunteering at an animal shelter?

Secondly, of course, I logically know that it is not good for me to stay in a depressed state of mind. But, telling me that I shouldn’t feel something that I feel and that my “time’s up” for grieving really isn’t very helpful. Isn’t contentedness the goal of everyone? Nobody wants to feel depressed. I don’t want to be sad and grieving. Of course, I want to be happy. But, if I’m not over it yet, I’m not over it. Why assume that everyone’s situation and connection is exactly the same? We are not cookie cutters of one another.

Pet Loss Support

Instead of giving coping advice to someone when their pet dies, the most helpful thing that anyone can do is to simply just listen. Listening is an innate skill that is somehow “taught out” of people. Before you learn how to speak, you are forced to listen. The most important part of communication is forced upon you at birth, but then somehow, somewhere… listening is overpowered by speaking. And speaking is overpowered by opinions. I understand just wanting to say, “Get over it! Enough already. Move on! You have so much life ahead of you…” But, now I stop myself from even having those thoughts. Why? Because everyone has different experiences, same as everyone heals at different speeds. On the inside and out.